21. INT. BRIDGE, HEART OF GOLD
TRILLIAN (V.O.): Two to the power of two hundred thousand to one against and falling.
Ford and Arthur find themselves in a swirling maelstrom of weird sights and sounds that makes the psychadelics of the Poetry Appreciation chairs look tame, and tumble down onto a floor.
FORD (Gasping): There you are. I told you I'd think of something.
ARTHUR: Oh sure.
FORD: Bright idea of mine, to find a passing spaceship and get rescued by it.
ARTHUR: Oh come on, the chances against it were astronomical.
FORD: Don't knock it, it worked.
TRILLIAN (V.O.): Two to the power of one hundred thousand to one against and falling.
ARTHUR: What was that voice?
FORD: I don't know. It sounded like a measurement of probability.
ARTHUR: Probability? What do you mean?
FORD: Oh, sure, you know, like two to one, three to one, five to four against. It said two to the power of one hundred thousand against. That's pretty improbable, you know.
ARTHUR: But what does it mean?
FORD: I don't know. But I think we're on some kind of spaceship.
ARTHUR looks around at the new psychadelic mess they are in, as a bunch of chickens and penguins float by playing volleyball.
ARTHUR: I can only assume that this is not the first-class compartment.
Arthur turns to talk to Ford and does a double-take.
ARTHUR: Ford, you're turning into a sofa! Stop it!
TRILLION (V.O.): Two to the power of seventy-five thousand against and falling.
FORD: You're turning into a sofa, too, Arthur!
ARTHUR: What? Augh!!
TRILLIAN (V.O.): Please relax, you're perfectly safe.
FORD: What? Hey, who are you? Where are you? What's going on and is there any way of stopping it?
TRILLIAN (V.O.): Two to the power of fifty thousand against and falling.
A rain of throw pillows and assorted weird items falls across the two sofas that were once Arthur and Ford, and they exclaim.
FORD: Isn't there anything you feel you ought to be telling us?
Ford and Arthur return to their normal selves with an audible 'pop!' as the room they are in resolves itself into a perfectly ordinary-looking cargo bay.
TRILLION (V.O.): Welcome to the Starship Heart of Gold. Please do not be alarmed by anything you see or hear around you. You are bound to feel some ill effects as you have been rescued from certain death at an improbability level of two to the power of two hundred and seventy-six thousand to one against -- possibly much higher. We are now cruising at a level of two to the power of twenty-five thousand to one against and falling, and we will be restoring normality just as soon as we are sure what is normal anyway. Thank you.
FORD (Very excited): Kermit, I mean, Arthur, this is fantastic! We've been picked up by a ship powered by the Infinite Improbability Drive! This is incredible! I heard rumors about it before! They were all officially denied, but they must have done it!
ARTHUR: An Infinite Improbability Drive? What's that?
FORD: Oh here, I'll show you.
Ford grabs the Guide and says "Infinite Improbability Drive."
22. The Guide then begins to describe what the Infinite Improbability Drive is, how it was invented, and how it works.
23. INT. HEART OF GOLD BRIDGE
Trillion hunches over a microphone attached to a clump of instruments, reading off figures.
TRILLIAN: Five to one against and falling ... four to one against and falling ... three to one ... two ... one ... probability factor of one to one ... we have normality. I repeat: we have normality.
She turns the microphone off and goes to turn away, stops, then turns it back on.
TRILLIAN (Charmingly): Anything you still can't cope with is therefore your own problem. Please relax. You will be sent for soon.
Trillian collapses into a chair with a relieved sigh.
ZAPHOD (O.S.): Who are they, Trillian?
TRILLIAN: Just a couple of guys we picked up in open space.
We see a close up of Zaphod's face. Zaphod Beeblebrox is played by Gonzo the Great.
ZAPHOD: Yeah, well, that's a very sweet thought, Trillian, but do you really think it's wise under the circumstances? I mean, here we are on the run and everything, we must have half the police of the Galaxy after us by now, and we stop to pick up hitchhikers. Okay, so ten out of ten for style, but minus several million for good thinking, yeah?
A monitor screen behind Zaphod is playing a news story. The camera zooms in on the monitor.
REPORTER (Played by Newsman): ... and of course, the top story is still the sensational theft of the new Improbability Drive prototype ship Heart of Gold last week, stolen at the launch ceremony by none other than Galactic President Zaphod Beeblebrox.
ZAPHOD (ON TV): So, in the name of the people and freedom and, I dunno, democracy and stuff, I hereby kidnap myself and - hey! - I'm taking the ship with me!
TRILLIAN: Can we put your ego aside for one moment? Something important has happened.
Zaphod looks from Trillian to the monitor and back to Trillian.
ZAPHOD: If there's anything more important than my ego on this ship, I want it caught and shot now. (Laughs.)
He turns back to the monitor and turns the volume up.
REPORTER (On monitor): ... the question everyone seems to be asking is, has the Big Z finally flipped? We asked his private brain care Specialist, Gag Halfrunt ...
GAG HALFRUNT (Played by The Swedish Chef): Well, Zaphod's just this guy, you know?* (*In Swedish Chef language.)
The monitor turns off with a loud click.
ZAPHOD: Hey!
Zaphod turns to face Trillian, who is holding a remote control, and we see that he has two heads and three arms, which even for Gonzo is a little weird.
ZAPHOD: Hey! I've got two heads!
ZAPHOD'S OTHER HEAD: And three arms! This is so cool!
TRILLIAN: Oh brother!
ZAPHOD: But I only had the one head and two arms on TV! What gives?
TRILLIAN: Who knows? You're a weirdo! Get back to the script!
ZAPHOD: Oh, right! Why'd you pick up hitchhikers anyway?
TRILLIAN: I didn't pick them up. The ship did all by itself.
ZAPHOD: That's weird.
TRILLIAN: Says the weirdo with two heads and three arms.
Zaphod high fives himself twice, says "Yeah!" and laughs.
TRILLIAN: Anyways, we picked them up in sector ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha -- say, that's where you picked me up!
Zaphod comes over to look at the clump of instruments Trillian is looking at.
ZAPHOD: That's impossible.
TRILLIAN: No. Just very, very improbable. Look, don't worry about the hitchhikers, they're probably just a couple of guys I expect. I'll send the robot down to check them out. Hey, Marvin ...
A pile of junk in the corner begins to stir and takes the form of a smallish robot, played by 80's Robot, wearing a largish pair of triangle-shaped sunglasses.
MARVIN (In a low, hopeless and very familiar voice): I think you ought to know I'm feeling very depressed.
ZAPHOD (To Trillian): What happened to his voice?
TRILLIAN: We liked the original voice better, so we reprogrammed him.
ZAPHOD: Oh.
TRILLIAN (To Marvin, trying to be cheerful): Well, here's something to occupy you and keep your mind off things!
MARVIN: It won't work. I have an exceptionally large mind.
TRILLIAN (Switching to a warning tone of voice): Marvin!
MARVIN: Oh, all right. What do you want me to do?
TRILLIAN: Go down to number two cargo bay and bring the two hitchhikers up here under surveillance.
MARVIN: Just that?
TRILLIAN: Yes.
MARVIN: I won't enjoy it.
ZAPHOD: She's not asking you to enjoy it, just do it will you?
MARVIN (In a slow drone): All right. I'll do it.
ZAPHOD: Yeah, good, great, thank you.
MARVIN: I'm not getting you down at all, am I?
TRILLIAN: No, no Marvin. That's just fine, really.
MARVIN: I wouldn't want to think that I was getting you down.
TRILLIAN: No! Don't worry about that. You just act as comes natural and everything will be fine.
MARVIN: You're sure you don't mind?
ZAPHOD: No, no, it's all just part of life.
MARVIN (Droning again): Life. Don't talk to me about life.
Marvin heads for the door.
DOOR: Hummmm-yummmm ...
TRILLIAN: I don't think I can stand that robot much longer, Zaphod.
24. The Guide describes what a robot is.
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